I like to talk to myself when I am alone. In my opinion, it helps me think, and problem solve much more organically. What I didn’t know is that this was actually a technique that engineers use to try to problem solve problems they are stuck on. It’s called rubber duck debugging. The logic is simple you talk to a rubber duck, or some type of object while you are debugging code you are having a problem with. What I find funny is that it’s something I’ve been doing myself since I was a young boy, but of course without the object. I sometimes get weird stares when I am out in the street when I let my habit slip, but I am beyond caring about such trivial matters.
What I’ve slowly realized is that I am not 100% socially adjusted to the mainstream society. I don’t pick up social cues as well as I should, and I have not been as considerate as I should have been to the people who actually take an interest in my life. I think, I deduce, I form opinions, and analyze. Yet I am not sure if I am always correct, but more importantly, I am not as sure of myself as I once was. I have pondered the idea that I am merely just wasting my time. Perhaps I haven’t lived and enjoyed life as I should have. There was always a plan, strategy, or something I could fall back on as I never did much spontaneously. Now I am not so sure anymore. Becoming too preoccupied with issues I had no control over.
Yet as I reflect I realize that even though I have lost many insights, and ignored certain aspects of my own individual world I must admit there are many other aspects of the world I have gained information about. My ego grew because I realized I knew much more than others. Not everything, but I could hold my own. When I was younger I wanted to show the people the true colors of this world. The world I saw. The cold reality. What I didn’t realize it was already too late for most. The indoctrination was complete as most people can’t accept they are living a farce. They live with the noble intention of working, enjoying entertainment, falling in love, and enjoying the gift of offspring.
Not me I had greater ambitions. Since I was a child I was fascinated with the world around me. At first, it was astronomy I was drawn to the idea of an infinite universe a world of possibility of distant planets, and stars. I also liked reading about dinosaurs mysterious beasts that existed before our time. When I got to see fossils for the first time I vividly remember the excitement and the joy of seeing them for the first time. Personally to the surprise of many I actually like going to museums and seeing all the exhibits I can but perhaps I should have exercised more patience at the time, but I was young and I didn’t know better. I still remember when I got really interested in technology which was mainly through video games, and the ability to enjoy worlds beyond my imagination. Thus, I began to see that I could imagine my own world and forge my own destiny. These events in my life molded me and became apart of my identity. The one I created for myself.
I finally understand now more than ever what I have always wanted. Power. The Power to forge my own destiny, and shift history in the path of my own vision. Most who dream as I do want to achieve this through wealth, and the power of the currency. I want to go beyond, and ascertain my goal within the limitless bounds of knowledge. It’s easy to kill and force others to do your bidding its even a greater victory to have others see your vision and become to believe in it as you do.
I repeat this story often to my close confidants, but I loved reading about King Arthur, Julius Cesar, and Alexander The Great. All men who conquered their enemies and brought peace to their respective kingdoms, and thus having lasting effects on human culture. The humorous part of this is all three of these men die tragic deaths. This hasn’t been lost on me either. I have realized that as we all know there are consequences to all actions. If we gained something of grandeur we must also give something in return. Nothing is free, and not everything can have a monetary value. We as individuals must balance the weights of our fate ourselves. Based on our own choices, desires, and principles.
Even if I never achieve much in my short life I will take solace in the fact that I was correct, and foresaw mankind’s destiny when others could not. The simplest form of power is knowledge, and only from there can one can construct something greater.
retributionisblind 